Nostalgia

Nostalgia, the word has roots in both ancient Greek and Old Saxon. The original root of the word references to returning home safely, as related to an experience of danger. The modern translation is more commonly known as a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition. The last time you used it, it was most probably in reference to a sentimental yearning and how I am going to share it in this story equally has to do with sentimental yearning. When I walked out to throw away my recycling and dispose of my compost it was still early enough in the morning to have a faint coolness to the air, the breeze was ever to so soft that it still whisked my bangs around my face but not strong enough to tangle. The sun was warming the facade of my body without causing a sense of heat.

I had experienced many a day like this growing up on the coast of the pacific south west. What most people refer to as perfect weather. Warm enough to feel comfortable participating in strenuous activities with a light cooling sweat. Sunny enough to motivate you to get outside and connect with earth's majesties. Breezy enough to rustle the leaves of the trees and conduct the symphony of wind chimes. It's a day you beg your parents to go to the beach, or you invite the crew over to play in the pool. For those old enough it was the perfect day to get the slip-n-slide out and create havoc on your parents perfectly manicured lawn. The breeze and the sun this morning reminded me of being safe and happy. I took that moment to stop and stand still, eyes closed, breathing deep into my chest absorbing the whole feeling associated with nostalgia.

Nostalgia is beautiful a feeling, reminding us of the beauty in the stories that make up life's epic. But as I ponder over the subject I am drawn to question nostalgia. There is a deep purpose to reflection and to the thought process that is part of a nostalgic recollection. It is important to remember your own story and varying environmental triggers can trigger a nostalgic moment. I worry now that we only, or perhaps this is just me, connect strongly with these moments in times where we are seeking a sense of comfort. When we are feeling a sense of loss and are trying to find our way back to time when we felt whole. When I started out wanting to share a memory of past nostalgia I had not connected the subconscious implications but the more I felt in the moment, the more I felt about the moment.

Since moving back to the US I have been striving to find my center, my flow, my stability. Everyday has become a trial to overcome some set back, some disappointment, some rejection, some loss. This constant battle with overcoming tribulations returns me to a crossroads. It was a distinct moment in time where I chose a Masters program over a Director level job position. I thought that since I got such a job once it shouldn't be a problem to get one of equal value again. Especially, since on the other end I would have gained a graduates degree. This frozen moment in my timeline is where I continue to return. My life I was living, lives in a sate of nostalgia. All that happened after that decision eventually led me to move back to the US, and now I can't stop thinking of the life I used to live, instead of dealing with the life I have chosen to live. Nostalgia has me questioning my decision making for a life where I was happy. So let me take you back to 2016, a nostalgic moment when I was enjoying one of my birthday vacations in a new country, and new city.

To bring you into my mood let me paint my landscape. My surroundings were of old town Vienna, on the perfection of a summer day. The sun is so warming without being uncomfortable and the breeze is just cool and brisk enough to give you the occasional chills. Alone, I sat enjoying the time lapse of social performances devouring the nuances of city life in one of the Hapsburg's many cities. I'm sitting in a corner cafe in the streets of old town Vienna, enjoying a refreshing Mozzarella and tomato salad. I choose this time to write because the building across the street has inspired a smile. I am surrounding by buildings that are ancient compared to my lifetime. The immaculate molding, the sturdy concrete arches, the robust architectural power. If it wan't for the McD's serving tourists on the street level you wouldn't know it was 2016.

As far as the eyes can see the stone and mortar scream 17th century. Statues of hero's on horseback, cherubs gracing grand facades and fountains sprinkling the skyline. I have been to quite a few old cities and as I made my way to one of the city's many castles I thought, "once you've seen one Renaissance castle you've seen them all". Experiences begin to blend together separated only by the age in my wrinkles. The truth is the same for churches and old-town city centers throughout Europe. This sameness is only overwritten and painted anew when you look beyond the city's architecture. The truth in what you are really looking for when you embark on a new adventure is to find the beauty in the energy of a place. The city's people, what they have accomplished since the 16th century and how they preserve their past while living in the future. A modern marriage of the greatness that built a city with the understanding of what it takes to be civilized. That is how you forge experiences draped in nostalgia.

Do you ever wish you could go back to a time of nostalgic peace? What memory takes you back to the soul of who you feel you are? Is nostalgia a bad things or as in ancient times do we need it as a place to feel safe from harm? I have many memories which I enjoy looking back upon and I most wishfully hope that I will find that future again, where I can continue to build moments of nostalgic relevance. Life is full of ups and downs and sometimes we need more than a guide to staying positive. We need need something to strive for, and right now I am striving to create a present that reflects more of my past accomplishments. Finding the truth to what I deserve. How about you?